By Joe Ponepinto
As children we rely on our parents for nurture and safety, guidance and compassion—in short, everything we need to realize our place in the world. For many adults, the roles eventually become reversed, and we can find ourselves caring for the loved ones who raised us, helping them cope with physical and mental infirmities. Those situations can carry not only heavy burdens on our time and finances, they often tax our emotional capacities and affect many other aspects of our lives. Senior Care Stories is a forum designed to help adults who are caring for aging parents cope with feelings and frustrations by allowing them to share their experiences with other caregivers. We also hope that the blog will foster an exchange of helpful tips and information that make the task of senior care a little easier.
According to a recent USA Today/ABC News/Gallup Poll, about 41 percent of baby boomers are helping care for an aging parent, and nearly half of those who aren’t worry about being able to do so in the future. Dozens of books and Web sites have been created to provide medical and professional advice to help them fulfill this obligation. Senior Care Stories, however, seeks to address other needs—to provide practical, day-to-day advice on making the best of a difficult situation, and to create a network of understanding and support among adults dealing with their deteriorating parents.
The editors of Senior Care Stories are also planning to compile the most helpful and poignant comments we receive into a book. The 100 stories in the book will come from a cross-section of people. Each will take a page or two. Some will be humorous, others heartwarming. All will include suggestions for coping with the specific problems of dealing with aging parents, be it a new technique or a new outlook. Help can be as simple as framing a simple trip to the theater as an adventure, or understanding a parent’s need to retain his or her dignity despite failing health or acuity. And all the stories will seek to assure those dealing with aging parents that there are many others going through the same set of emotions, and there are resources to make the journey easier.
More details about the book later.
While my parents, and my in-laws are in decent health, both mentally and physically, as time goes on I find myself thinking more and more about that “time” that will inevitably come. I can see the changes ocurring and would like to gain insight from those who have gone before me.
I’m very fortunate to have an 86 year-old mother who is, with a few exceptions, healthy, happy, and self-sufficient. She lives on her own, stays very active, and shows no immediate signs of needing help to live a good life each day.
But, as I read these stories, it is comforting to know that, should she need help at some time, I don’t have to enter the process blindly. Others have experienced the pros and cons of seeking help. Their experiences can help guide my choices and improve the likelihood of a positive experience.
We’ve all heard the expression, “kids don’t come with instruction manuals”. Well, neither do parents. I surely wouldn’t want to “experiment” with a critical decision concerning the quality of my mother’s remaining years. The blog/book looks like the next best thing to a set of “parent instructions”.
Funny thing is…I hope I never need this info. But I’m glad it’s there if I do.
Dave, I relate to your comments and loved the way you phased certain things… “kids don’t come with instruction manuals” and “neither do parents”, was brilliant.
I have one healthy father (age 87, who feels and acts like 70, maybe 65) and my mother with Alzheimer’s (age 82, who can act her age or like a 4-year-old, depending on the day). I never thought this would happen to my mom. She was so vital, she exercised, gardened, cooked and loved life. But sharing with others, collecting ideas and tips on how to cope, has really been helpful.
I hope you never have to face the reality my siblings, (especially) my father and I had to face. But if you do, I hope this blog (and our eventual book) will help you find ways to deal with your new reality.
I so wish that a resource like you’re developing could have been available to my sister and me while my parents were alive. We were completely lost in a frightening sea of economic, legal and psychological issues. These subjects were never discussed in my family, because my parents refused to delegate matters which would have increased their quality of life, as well as the level of services they needed. Now I can begin seeing these issues are fast becoming relevant to my own plans for growing older. Thank you, thank you.
Well the writers working on the content of Senior Care Stories has really nailed it. I wished I had this information when I was trying to communicate the many issues with my aging parents over the past 10 years. My dad was very ill with Parkinson’s and my mom soon after began developing all that goes along with dementia. With 2 sisters and 3 brothers all living out of state I became the lucky one when it came to reaching out to caregivers while being accused by the family of being too controlling with my parents. My storey could fill up several pages and take a day to pull together. At this time I’m still trying to make up for the 10 years of down time during the peek of my career. Like others in my position I was a divorced father of 3 girls and I never wanted to be absent from thier activities. As a family we would cook additional food for dinner and bring it next door where I had moved my folks so that I could keep an eye on them and be with my girls at the same time…..oh well you get the drift…..10 years of that and a man in his fourty’s can get a mother load full……more to follow at a later date…..off to see mom who now is in a full care facility…..dad died at home 5 years ago…..oh how I wished he had been in a facility that could have given him the care that he deserved…..