Category Archives: Care Givers

Tips for Hiring Help for Your Senior Parent

Posted on January 25, 2010 by jpon| 2 Comments

By Joe Ponepinto

Many seniors who are healthy enough to stay in their homes, rather than move to a care facility or move in with relatives, prefer to remain in an environment that they know and feel comfortable in. But often these seniors need a little help around the house, whether it’s cleaning, doing laundry, or personal care like bathing. If children can’t provide it, then hiring a service or agency may be an option.

Before you or your parent enters into such an arrangement, there are a few steps to consider to make sure the safety of the senior is not at stake. Here are a few tips for hiring in-home help for seniors. These come from the California Bar Foundation.

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Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Insurance, Outside Resources

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Teach Your Parents Well

Posted on January 22, 2010 by jstarkweather| 1 Comment

By Judy Starkweather

I was taking my 94-year-old Mom out one day and feeling stressed. My job and the caregiving were getting the best of me. When we arrived at our destination, I got out of the car, went around to get her and as always, reached over to unbuckle her seatbelt. In a moment of sheer frustration, I said “Gee Mom, you’d think a college graduate could learn to unbuckle her seatbelt!” We laughed a bit, but she knew my fuse was shortening by the second.

The next day, I decided to show her a way that I thought would make it easy to accomplish this task. I had to take into consideration the limited ability she had to turn her body enough to even see the buckle. To my amazement she exclaimed, “No one has ever shown me how to do that before!”

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Posted in Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Safety, Stress, Travel

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A Good Use for Humor

Posted on January 20, 2010 by lisacochrane| Leave a comment

By Lisa Cochrane

For most of my life, one of my mother’s outstanding traits was her ability to socialize with others.  She had an ability to start, or add to, a lively conversation on most any subject and a way of making every stranger feel welcome, every person feel important.

Alzheimer’s changed that wonderful behavior and recently she has begun to just chatter, maybe for attention or maybe as an attempt to be her old self.  However, she now interrupts conversations with nonsensical, repetitive, often irrelevant chatter.  Or in the car, she will just talk non-stop about nothing and everything.  It can be very irritating, so my family tried humor and found that it often works… at least temporarily.

When my mother is chattering non-stop in the car, my brother tells her that he has an Eject-o-Mom installed in the passenger seat and if she continues to chatter he will press it.  She giggles and the chatter subsides!  Ten minutes later, she may be chattering again and he may have to say it again, but she giggles again and is quiet for another few minutes.

When she chatters non-stop at home, Steve tells her that the chair she is in only has a 100-word capacity and if she says more than 100 words, it and she will melt into the carpet.  And she stops to think about that and forgets to chatter for a few minutes.

While this may sound silly, it actually works.  Those with Alzheimer’s have a different reality.  You cannot teach them to modify their behavior – they will forget your teaching.  You cannot effectively punish them, for they often do things unconsciously; they react without ‘thinking’.  Nor will they long remember a punishment or what it was for.

So when I need to reprimand my mom (which can be often), I try to find a funny, nonsensical way to do it instead of using anger (which only makes the matters worse).   And with each activity that I do with my mom, I try to make her laugh at least once.  And as I try to find things to make her laugh, I find myself relaxing and finding more joy in my time with her.

There are lots of things in life to make you laugh or smile, if you only take the time to notice.  That’s one good lesson I have (re)learned while caring for my mom; and one I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life!

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Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, General Information, Humorous Incidents, Stress, Travel

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Tips for Reducing the Stress of Senior Home Care

Posted on January 19, 2010 by jpon| Leave a comment

Submitted by Linda Dunkelberger

Caring for aging parents or loved ones carries a lot of responsibility and a range of emotions. No matter how much love you have in your heart, carrying the load of caring for your loved one will leave you drained physically, emotionally and possibly financially. Coping with the stress of senior home care has to be managed or you will not be an effective caregiver.

Managing the stress of senior home care is all about taking charge. Take charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment and the way you deal with problems and unexpected situations. The ultimate goal of coping with the stress of senior home care is to achieve a balanced life.

Suggestions to reduce, prevent, and cope with the stress of senior home care:

Senior home care requires organization: Organize your time and your schedule. Write everything down so that you or another family member has reference to phone numbers, doctors, medications, in-home senior care providers, important insurance and financial numbers.

Start a personal journal: Share your feelings about the stress of senior home care. Writing down your thoughts will help you to take charge of your emotions.

Prioritize your health and well-being. Nurturing yourself is a necessary not a luxury. Healthy ways to relax and recharge:

  • Go for a walk
  • Call a good friend
  • Sweat out the tension with a good workout
  • Write in your journal
  • Curl up with a good book
  • Take a long bath
  • Eat healthy and exercise regularly
  • Play with your pet
  • Work in your garden
  • Listen to music
  • Savor a cup of warm coffee or tea

Give yourself a break: Enlist the help of a professional senior home care provider. These professionals can provide daily or weekly help for everyday chores, errands, hygiene, meals or transportation needs. Some senior home care providers can also provide a respite from your responsibilities with as little as 15-minutes notice.

Coping with the stress of senior home care is the only possible way to be an effective caregiver to your loved ones. Your mental and physical health must take priority or you will not be able to manage what needs to be done.

This article was submitted by Linda Dunkelberger, a freelance writer and editor working for Visiting Angels (www.visitingangels.com).Visiting Angles is a nationwide senior home care provider that helps seniors with everyday tasks, errands, meals, transportation, and more.

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Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, Financial Issues, General Information, Medical Issues, Stress

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Sometimes Hospitals Should Be Avoided

Posted on January 16, 2010 by jpon| 1 Comment

Submitted by Richard Hetzler

There comes a time, if people live long enough, that hospital admission should be avoided. My mother struggled to maintain her independence into her 90s, tolerating walkers and assisted living only when necessary. Once her life was reduced to a wheelchair and skilled nursing care, she did not consider her life worth living.

While my mother was in assisted living, she appeared happy and mentally alert. After a family reunion for Thanksgiving, she developed a urinary tract infection that sent her to the hospital. She was there for two weeks, then released to a skilled nursing facility, with the goal of returning to her assisted living apartment.

The two-week stay in the hospital took more out of my mother than she could recover from. The time with no mobility exaggerated her arthritic condition to the point where walking again was impossible, even with assistance from a physical therapist. She returned to the hospital twice more with urinary tract infections, but never recovered the strength that she had prior to those admissions either. I now believe that the repeated hospital stays caused her to lose her ability to walk, and eventually the desire to live.

It was only through hospice care that we were able to stop the hospital admissions, which were counterproductive in her case. I would strongly recommend that anyone in a similar situation utilize hospice care to avoid hospital admissions for elderly relatives.

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Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, Hospitals, Medical Issues, Moving Your Parent(s)

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Moving Your Elderly Parent – To Tell Them or Not to Tell Them

Posted on January 11, 2010 by lisacochrane| Leave a comment

When it was time to move my parents out of their home, I was lucky that my father was still very cognizant, able to help plan and execute the move.  But my mother was a different story.  She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s three years prior and really didn’t connect with reality.  Though she still knew the family, she had lost grasp on the details of everyday life so what do you tell her?  What would easiest for her?  Did she have a need to say goodbye to her long-time friends?  Or would that be more confusing?  Would it be easier to just leave with my dad saying their goodbyes?

In our situation, we were able to move my parents into a guest home on my brother’s upstate New York property and hire a full-time live-in to care for my mom.   This change gave my mom the attention she needed, but also, critically, relieved my father of the burden of being the primary caregiver which was literally killing him, physically and emotionally.

As the plans progressed, my family decided not to tell my mother that she was moving, only that she was going to visit my brother for “a while”.  All of us helped with the move.  My two sisters flew with my mother and their two cats to be greeted in Albany by my brother.  The same day I flew to Chicago to help my dad pack, oversee the movers and say good bye to our family home for over 25 years.

When we arrived in New York four days later, my mother was just happy to see us… especially my dad, her life partner.  When her bed, dresser, piano, sofa and other items arrived a few days later, she was confused but took it in stride.  After all, all her loved possessions – my father, her cats, piano, bed and dresser were there, so this must be where she lives.  She still gets confused once in a while about where she lived, but I do believe we saved her the confusion and emotion of saying good bye to her friends, very good friends.  I don’t believe she would have understood why she needed to say good bye, that she might not ever see them again.  I think, in our situation, that we choose wisely.

I would love to hear your story about moving your parents.  It is never easy.  But I have to say that my father has gotten younger since the move.  At 87, he is much happier and healthier than he was with the full burden of the main care giver for my mom.   My mom, at 82, is still my loving mom…

Submitted by Lisa Cochrane

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Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, General Information, Moving Your Parent(s)

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Outside Caregivers – A hidden benefit

Posted on January 7, 2010 by lisacochrane| 1 Comment

My mother is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s and we are lucky that my dad has the space and means to employ a full-time caregiver to care for her.  Otherwise, she would be in a home as her care was too much for my dad to handle. 

Our caregiver was not born in the US, but had worked as a caregiver for over 7 years assisting several other families prior to joining our family.  The way she acts and reacts to my mother is sometimes an issue as she is much more aggressive and hard on her than any of us can be.  But she often gets positive results when we cannot, so we have learned not to judge her actions until we see what happens.

Case in point… Recently, my mother has taken to swearing like a sailor whenever she was upset.  It started with “Oh God!” but then progressed to even nastier language.  It was getting difficult to take her out in public because we never knew when she would spout off with inappropriate language… and we didn’t want to stop taking her out as it was a good way to entertain her and pass the day. 

My family tried all sorts of creative things to curb this behavior, but to no avail.  Our caregiver had been on vacation as this was occurring and when she returned she simply said to my Mom “I will bite your tongue off if you swear again.”  Now, I could never say that and probably won’t even think it, but it worked.  When I first heard what she said I felt it was too strong and too nasty, not the sort of thing that should be said to my wonderful, loving mom.  Then I saw the results and realized it had been effective. 

This experience made me realize that the best care-giving solution is often a combination of loving family and an outside care-giver.   Family may have the love but often don’t have the experience and outside care givers are more detached so they often can employ different methods.  Our caregiver’s relationship with my mom is more like a teacher and a student… she keeps her distance so that she can play the disciplinarian when needed.

While I cannot imagine saying to my mom (or anyone for that matter) that I will “bite your tongue off if you say that again”, I do appreciate that it worked to curb a behavior that was unsettling to my family.  I learn from our caregiver every time I visit.  I may chose not to employ some of her techniques but that does not mean that I don’t appreciate the results.

If you are playing a part in caring for an aging parent, try to share that responsibility with an experienced care-giver.  Not only will get some time away, but you may also find that you learn from them and/or find solutions to some of your ongoing challenges.

Submitted by Lisa Cochrane

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Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Stress

What to do About Cursing?

Posted on January 7, 2010 by jpon| 2 Comments

Lately a friend’s mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, has developed an interesting and sometimes embarrassing trait that is far more common than most people may realize. She curses, usually without warning or provocation, and in a public setting it can be very difficult to deal with—when Mom lets loose like a sailor every head within earshot turns to see who said it.

There really isn’t much a caregiver can do to stop this trait of Alzheimer’s. It is a recognized symptom of the disease, and like most aspects is basically incurable. But there are ways to cope. As my friend discovered, responding with an alternate phrase may be enough to make the change stick. Her mother would call out in public, “My God! My God!” Each time she did, my friend responded with, “My goodness. My goodness.” Eventually Mom started saying, “My goodness” instead. But this only worked for a while, since at home the rest of the family didn’t reinforce the change.

Another coping device that might limit the shock and embarrassment of such outbursts is to be prepared when they occur. Compile a list of similar-sounding words and keep them in mind when the Alzheimer’s sufferer is in a public setting. When a choice four-letter word is delivered, quickly respond with its sound-alike. Duck? I don’t see a duck, Mom. Silly, but that’s the idea—try to turn it into a little bit of humor. Most people around you will probably understand what’s going on right away.

Just remember that cursing, unfortunately, is a typical symptom of Alzheimer’s. If you don’t let it become an embarrassment, it won’t seem as shocking.

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Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, General Information, Humorous Incidents

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Coping with the Stress of Senior Home Care

Posted on December 15, 2009 by jpon| Leave a comment

This article was submitted by Linda Dunkelberger, a freelance writer and editor working for Visiting Angels (www.visitingangels.com). Visiting Angels is a nationwide senior home care provider that helps seniors with everyday tasks, errands, meals, transportation, and more.

Caring for aging parents or loved ones carries a lot of responsibility and a range of emotions. No matter how much love you have in your heart, carrying the load of caring for your loved one will leave you drained physically, emotionally and possibly financially. Coping with the stress of senior home care has to be managed or you will not be an effective caregiver.

Managing the stress of senior home care is all about taking charge. Take charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment and the way you deal with problems and unexpected situations. The ultimate goal of coping with the stress of senior home care is to achieve a balanced life.

Suggestions to reduce, prevent, and cope with the stress of senior home care:

Senior home care requires organization: Organize your time and your schedule. Write everything down so that you or another family member has reference to phone numbers, doctors, medications, in-home senior care providers, important insurance and financial numbers.

Start a personal journal: Share your feelings about the stress of senior home care. Writing down your thoughts will help you to take charge of your emotions.

Prioritize your health and well-being. Nurturing yourself is a necessary not a luxury. Healthy ways to relax and recharge:

  • Go for a walk
  • Call a good friend
  • Sweat out the tension with a good workout
  • Write in your journal
  • Curl up with a good book
  • Take a long bath
  • Eat healthy and exercise regularly
  • Play with your pet
  • Work in your garden
  • Listen to music
  • Savor a cup of warm coffee or tea

Give yourself a break: Enlist the help of a professional senior home care provider. These professionals can provide daily or weekly help for everyday chores, errands, hygiene, meals or transportation needs. Some senior home care providers can also provide a respite from your responsibilities with as little as 15-minutes notice.

Coping with the stress of senior home care is the only possible way to be an effective caregiver to your loved ones. Your mental and physical health must take priority or you will not be able to manage what needs to be done.

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Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, Medical Issues, Outside Resources, Stress

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When Seniors Move in with Relatives or Others

Posted on December 8, 2009 by jpon| 1 Comment

Take Steps Up Front to Prevent Disputes

This article was written by Kate White, Executive Director of Elder Law of Michigan. Although it addresses seniors and their families in Michigan, similar occurrences are taking place throughout the country.

The poor economy in Michigan is forcing many families to consider moving in together to save money and provide care for older adults. According to USA Today, US Census Bureau statistics released in September, 2008 reveal a significant rise in the number of parents who live with adult heads of households. From 2000 to 2007 the number of senior parents living with their adult kids rose from 2.2 to 3.6 million—an increase of 67%.

In some situations, senior parents move in with their adult children, in others the arrangement is reversed. Occasionally seniors share a home with other relatives such as nephews or grandkids. And sometimes seniors move in with other seniors, or even non-related younger persons.

While there is often great benefit in having others live with a senior, especially if the others can act as caregivers, disputes can arise even in the best of circumstances. Here are some things to discuss and place in writing before moving-in day.

  • An emerging practice is to use a paid professional mediator or a community dispute resolution center to discuss expectations and record what is agreed upon before making an arrangement to live together.
  • Discuss the house rules and the expectations of the owner about visitors, noise, standard of cleanliness, use of drugs and alcohol, privacy, use of space, and the use of furniture, cars and other items. Clearly define the acceptable and unacceptable and set a process for discussing new issues.
  • If there is an expectation of service for the privilege of living in someone else’s home, the details of the trade need to be clearly laid out. This can be a very important for preserving the self esteem of the tenant and prevent misunderstandings by all involved.
  • Future claims. Sometimes when another person moves in with a senior, an expectation is created that the tenant will be able to stay in the home forever or that the homeowner will leave the home to the tenant when the owner dies. Avoid this misunderstanding by making it clear that the homeowner retains all ownership of the home. A later wish by the homeowner to give the home to the caregiver can be taken care of at any time.
  • Prevent isolation. Just because an older adult may now have someone in the home, social activities and contact with neighbors, friends and family remain important. Friends and family should regularly check in with the senior.
  • Finances. In addition to deciding and documenting who pays for what, it might be worth considering having someone outside the household provide money management or bill payment services if the senior needs help with those tasks. If the caregiver is chosen to handle the homeowner’s financial affairs, having a second set of eyes reviewing the bank records, checking accounts and expenses might be advisable.

While sharing a home can be a comforting solution for seniors, living with another person requires planning and preparation. For help with such planning, consider contacting the community mediation center nearest you. Call 800-8RESOLVE.

Persons in Michigan can call the Legal Hotline at (800) 347-5297, Monday through Thursday, 9-5 and set an appointment to have a lawyer call them back, usually the same day.

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Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Moving Your Parent(s), Safety

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