Entries categorized as ‘General Information’
Submitted by JP Mondeau
I am an only child who grew up in the Boston area. While I moved to Colorado with my wife, my parents stayed in Boston and lived in the same house for over 54 years. When my father, now 79, had a heart attack four years ago, my wife and I began to discuss moving them out West to a facility near our home. Fortunately my father’s health improved and so the idea of moving them from their home, friends and neighborhood now seemed a bit too drastic of a change.
About two years ago when my parents came to visit, we took the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart conversation with them about the possibility of a move. My father was completely against the idea but my mom was at least willing to think about it.
In 2009, my wife and I decided that the time had come to get serious about the move. Their health was pretty good so we felt it would be easier for them to take the physical and mental stress of the change. Plus, they might have a few years to enjoy themselves in Colorado before their health declined. We researched the local care available and when my parents made their next visit we scheduled several tours. Together we visited twelve facilities in a six-day period, evaluating everything from the accommodations and level of care, to meal quality.
Although we were making progress, the clock had started ticking faster than we knew. Two weeks after the visit, my dad’s health deteriorated rapidly, and he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. This was followed by a series of challenging moves from the hospital to a rehab center to a respite center, back to the hospital and into a nursing home.
All of a sudden all our research and plans went out the window. With dad in Boston on a health roller coaster, my wife and I were unable to properly evaluate his needs and the situation was becoming more than we could handle. It was recommended that we hire a Geriatric Care Manager in the Boston area to assist us. By using the internet, we found one that we could work with. Although the cost was high ($140 per hour), my parents’ long-term care policy covered the expense. The manager immediately began by assessing and coordinating my parents’ needs. She assisted in filling out long-term care paperwork, having medical records transferred, helped with doctors and coordinated with the facility in Colorado that we eventually selected.
My mother, who is 82, enjoyed working with her because she wasn’t associated with a senior living facility and could therefore provide unbiased advice. She suggested moving Dad into a Memory Care Facility, which we did. My mom will soon move into an Independent Care Facility on the same campus.
In our case, the combination of moving my parents, my dad’s changing health and the distance between us added up to a very stressful situation. Hiring a professional who understood the ins and outs of senior care helped us through the crisis. And her input helped us select the best facility available for my parents – something that gives me peace of mind as we begin the next phase of the journey.
Categories: General Information · Moving Your Parent(s) · Outside Resources
Tagged: aging parent, assisted living, Geriatric Care Manager, Geriatric Social Worker, move, moving
February 10, 2010 · 1 Comment
by Judy Starkweather
It took awhile to convince my mother that her walking was shaky enough to warrant a cane, but once we did, it worked out well. She selected a clear acrylic one that garnered lots of compliments. She grew to like it not only for steadying her gate, but also as a conversation piece and fashion statement!
When mom’s falls became more frequent and she needed a walker, it was a much tougher sell. It wasn’t until she went into Assisted Living and they required her to have one, that we actually made it happen. It was equipped with wheels, a seat she could sit on if she got tired and a basket below to hold items she might need during the day. We also purchased a “purse-like” cloth bag that hangs over the front of it for easy access to things like cough drops and kleenex. My sister and I felt good knowing that my mother could now get around more independently and eventually she learned to like her new “wheels.”
As with everything these days, walkers come in many different shapes & sizes. When trying to find the one that was the “best fit,” we consulted with the physical therapist at her Assisted Living facility. We learned that there were quite a few things to consider:
-It’s important to get one that’s the correct height. To determine this, have your parent drop his/her arms to the side, and be sure that the top of the walker falls just where the small bone on the outside of either wrist is located.
-Whether you purchase a walker with wheels or not depends on your parent’s fall risk. If they walk too fast with a walker that has wheels, it may be safer for them to use one that doesn’t. However, some “standard walkers,” (those without wheels) can be hard to pick up. It’s important to weigh the pros and cons before you make a decision.
-If you choose a walker with wheels, whether you select one with breaks or not will depend on your parents’ ability to use them properly. If they can’t, it will not only be confusing, but could cause the falls you were hoping to prevent when you purchased it in the first place!
A Medical Supply Store is a good source for walkers and they can help you determine the best fit. You can purchase them on-line, but be sure that you’ve consulted with a physical therapist before you do, so you know exactly what you’re looking for. Getting it right the first time can save time, protect your parent, and improve their quality of life.
Categories: General Information · Medical Issues · Safety
Tagged: aging parent, assisted living, cane, falling, falls, medical supply store, physical therapist, walker
By Lisa Cochrane
For most of my life, one of my mother’s outstanding traits was her ability to socialize with others. She had an ability to start, or add to, a lively conversation on most any subject and a way of making every stranger feel welcome, every person feel important.
Alzheimer’s changed that wonderful behavior and recently she has begun to just chatter, maybe for attention or maybe as an attempt to be her old self. However, she now interrupts conversations with nonsensical, repetitive, often irrelevant chatter. Or in the car, she will just talk non-stop about nothing and everything. It can be very irritating, so my family tried humor and found that it often works… at least temporarily.
When my mother is chattering non-stop in the car, my brother tells her that he has an Eject-o-Mom installed in the passenger seat and if she continues to chatter he will press it. She giggles and the chatter subsides! Ten minutes later, she may be chattering again and he may have to say it again, but she giggles again and is quiet for another few minutes.
When she chatters non-stop at home, Steve tells her that the chair she is in only has a 100-word capacity and if she says more than 100 words, it and she will melt into the carpet. And she stops to think about that and forgets to chatter for a few minutes.
While this may sound silly, it actually works. Those with Alzheimer’s have a different reality. You cannot teach them to modify their behavior – they will forget your teaching. You cannot effectively punish them, for they often do things unconsciously; they react without ‘thinking’. Nor will they long remember a punishment or what it was for.
So when I need to reprimand my mom (which can be often), I try to find a funny, nonsensical way to do it instead of using anger (which only makes the matters worse). And with each activity that I do with my mom, I try to make her laugh at least once. And as I try to find things to make her laugh, I find myself relaxing and finding more joy in my time with her.
There are lots of things in life to make you laugh or smile, if you only take the time to notice. That’s one good lesson I have (re)learned while caring for my mom; and one I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life!
Categories: Alzheimer's · Care Givers · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · General Information · Humorous Incidents · Stress · Travel
Tagged: aging parent, Alzheimer's, general, humor, senior care, senior health, senior life, seniors
Submitted by Linda Dunkelberger
Caring for aging parents or loved ones carries a lot of responsibility and a range of emotions. No matter how much love you have in your heart, carrying the load of caring for your loved one will leave you drained physically, emotionally and possibly financially. Coping with the stress of senior home care has to be managed or you will not be an effective caregiver.
Managing the stress of senior home care is all about taking charge. Take charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment and the way you deal with problems and unexpected situations. The ultimate goal of coping with the stress of senior home care is to achieve a balanced life.
Suggestions to reduce, prevent, and cope with the stress of senior home care:
Senior home care requires organization: Organize your time and your schedule. Write everything down so that you or another family member has reference to phone numbers, doctors, medications, in-home senior care providers, important insurance and financial numbers.
Start a personal journal: Share your feelings about the stress of senior home care. Writing down your thoughts will help you to take charge of your emotions.
Prioritize your health and well-being. Nurturing yourself is a necessary not a luxury. Healthy ways to relax and recharge:
- Go for a walk
- Call a good friend
- Sweat out the tension with a good workout
- Write in your journal
- Curl up with a good book
- Take a long bath
- Eat healthy and exercise regularly
- Play with your pet
- Work in your garden
- Listen to music
- Savor a cup of warm coffee or tea
Give yourself a break: Enlist the help of a professional senior home care provider. These professionals can provide daily or weekly help for everyday chores, errands, hygiene, meals or transportation needs. Some senior home care providers can also provide a respite from your responsibilities with as little as 15-minutes notice.
Coping with the stress of senior home care is the only possible way to be an effective caregiver to your loved ones. Your mental and physical health must take priority or you will not be able to manage what needs to be done.
This article was submitted by Linda Dunkelberger, a freelance writer and editor working for Visiting Angels (www.visitingangels.com).Visiting Angles is a nationwide senior home care provider that helps seniors with everyday tasks, errands, meals, transportation, and more.
Categories: Care Givers · Elder Heath · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · Financial Issues · General Information · Medical Issues · Stress
Tagged: aging parent, assisted living, general, home care, mental health, senior care, senior health, seniors, Stress
When it was time to move my parents out of their home, I was lucky that my father was still very cognizant, able to help plan and execute the move. But my mother was a different story. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s three years prior and really didn’t connect with reality. Though she still knew the family, she had lost grasp on the details of everyday life so what do you tell her? What would easiest for her? Did she have a need to say goodbye to her long-time friends? Or would that be more confusing? Would it be easier to just leave with my dad saying their goodbyes?
In our situation, we were able to move my parents into a guest home on my brother’s upstate New York property and hire a full-time live-in to care for my mom. This change gave my mom the attention she needed, but also, critically, relieved my father of the burden of being the primary caregiver which was literally killing him, physically and emotionally.
As the plans progressed, my family decided not to tell my mother that she was moving, only that she was going to visit my brother for “a while”. All of us helped with the move. My two sisters flew with my mother and their two cats to be greeted in Albany by my brother. The same day I flew to Chicago to help my dad pack, oversee the movers and say good bye to our family home for over 25 years.
When we arrived in New York four days later, my mother was just happy to see us… especially my dad, her life partner. When her bed, dresser, piano, sofa and other items arrived a few days later, she was confused but took it in stride. After all, all her loved possessions – my father, her cats, piano, bed and dresser were there, so this must be where she lives. She still gets confused once in a while about where she lived, but I do believe we saved her the confusion and emotion of saying good bye to her friends, very good friends. I don’t believe she would have understood why she needed to say good bye, that she might not ever see them again. I think, in our situation, that we choose wisely.
I would love to hear your story about moving your parents. It is never easy. But I have to say that my father has gotten younger since the move. At 87, he is much happier and healthier than he was with the full burden of the main care giver for my mom. My mom, at 82, is still my loving mom…
Submitted by Lisa Cochrane
Categories: Alzheimer's · Care Givers · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · General Information · Moving Your Parent(s)
Tagged: aging parent, general, home care, humor, move, moving
Lately a friend’s mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, has developed an interesting and sometimes embarrassing trait that is far more common than most people may realize. She curses, usually without warning or provocation, and in a public setting it can be very difficult to deal with—when Mom lets loose like a sailor every head within earshot turns to see who said it.
There really isn’t much a caregiver can do to stop this trait of Alzheimer’s. It is a recognized symptom of the disease, and like most aspects is basically incurable. But there are ways to cope. As my friend discovered, responding with an alternate phrase may be enough to make the change stick. Her mother would call out in public, “My God! My God!” Each time she did, my friend responded with, “My goodness. My goodness.” Eventually Mom started saying, “My goodness” instead. But this only worked for a while, since at home the rest of the family didn’t reinforce the change.
Another coping device that might limit the shock and embarrassment of such outbursts is to be prepared when they occur. Compile a list of similar-sounding words and keep them in mind when the Alzheimer’s sufferer is in a public setting. When a choice four-letter word is delivered, quickly respond with its sound-alike. Duck? I don’t see a duck, Mom. Silly, but that’s the idea—try to turn it into a little bit of humor. Most people around you will probably understand what’s going on right away.
Just remember that cursing, unfortunately, is a typical symptom of Alzheimer’s. If you don’t let it become an embarrassment, it won’t seem as shocking.
Categories: Alzheimer's · Care Givers · Elder Heath · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · General Information · Humorous Incidents
Tagged: aging parent, Cursing, dementia, mental health, senior care, senior health, senior life, seniors
One of our readers has submitted a guest column regarding his experiences with Medicare. The names have been withheld by request.
My mother was never very affluent. So when it came time for her to move into an assisted living facility for the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease, she was not financially prepared for it. Eventually, we had to turn to state Medicaid for assistance, but we were very surprised at the restrictions imposed on her finances.
In our state, at the time my mother applied for assistance, a person could have no more than $1500 to her name in cash and assets. Since my mother had more, we (believe it or not) had to sell off all her assets and give the excess to the state government for use in paying for Medicaid. The excess, and any income she had, including Social Security, was to be used first to cover costs before state help kicked in.
We were lucky in that her living facility had staff who were very helpful in navigating the state’s legal system. Other facilities may not be as prepared. But we realized while it was happening that my mother was essentially becoming a ward of the state—not that we expected her to recover, but in effect she no longer had an independent future.
In retrospect, we could have tried to have her “gift” the excess assets to her relatives (up to the federal tax-exempt limit) before applying for Medicaid, but even that strategy is difficult, since in our state, Medicaid looks back three years to figure net worth, to ensure the person is cognizant enough to understand what she is giving away. Who can say three years before Alzheimer’s care is needed that it is inevitable?
Think carefully about your parent’s future. It’s much better to be prepared for the possibility of having to use state Medicaid than to have to deal with it suddenly, as we did. If a long-term care insurance policy is an option, you should investigate it.
Keep in mind that Medicaid, although a national program, is also governed by individual state law and the requirements and services vary from state to state, sometimes greatly. But the best advice, if you anticipate that your parent might need it in the next few years, is to learn as much as you can about the program where you live, and prepare your parent’s finances so s/he gets the most help for the least impact.
Categories: Financial Issues · General Information · Insurance
Tagged: finances, Insurance, Medicaid
By Lisa Cochrane
I recently was told about a creative solution that a friend used when his aging mother could no longer drive. George’s mother lived in an assisted-living facility and she loved the independence and freedom that came with driving herself to doctor appointments and on errands. But George was worried, as he could tell her eyesight and reflexes weren’t what they used to be. When she had a small accident, he was finally able to convince her to give up her keys.
George then decided to sell her car and put the money into an interest-bearing account. He contracted with a local cab company to have a taxi available for his mom whenever she needed it, and instead of billing her, they sent an itemized statement every month to George (including a 20% gratuity). The cab company agreed to use only three drivers so his mom could get to know them. The drivers also agreed to carry her packages and groceries to the door and wait for up to a half hour at her destination.
It was a perfect solution to what could have been a difficult problem. George’s mom still had the freedom to go when and where she wanted and George didn’t worry nor need to take time off work to get her to doctor appointments. His mom even became the hit of the assisted-living facility — especially after she started inviting others to join her on her trips to the local department stores, the grocery and even the theater. Having a taxi available allowed them to venture out to more evening events and dinners.
The money in the interest-bearing account and the savings from not paying for car insurance, gas and upkeep paid for all the taxi rides. His creative solution also kept his mother safe and actually gave her a different kind of freedom — she could now bring along new friends and they could enjoy themselves without the worry of driving home!
Categories: Emotional Issues · Financial Issues · General Information · Safety
Tagged: assisted living, Driving issues, finances, Independence, Safety
November 11, 2009 · 1 Comment
By Joe Ponepinto
Many of us with senior parents have moved far enough away from our folks that the only time we see them each year is during the holidays. That’s the case with me—we’ll be seeing my mom over Thanksgiving and my wife’s mom during Christmas.
It’s great to get together, of course, but now that our moms are aging, it’s also a good opportunity to assess their mental and physical health. It’s certainly better than trying to do it over the phone and asking questions, since parents may not be completely truthful about health issues in order to keep from becoming a burden to their children.
Obviously I won’t be sitting at the Thanksgiving table, staring at mom. But over the course of our visit, I’ll be checking for indications that she may be having trouble performing functions that weren’t a worry before.
For example, my mom has always been someone who takes regular walks and never has any trouble with stairs, and I’ll want to make sure that is still the case. She wears a hearing aid and lately we’ve had some trouble over the phone, so I’ll be looking to see if there is a bigger problem than she admits when we talk.
If the opportunity arises, and you can sit down with your parent one-on-one, the personal setting may give you a chance to ask about such things as financial or legal issues, to make sure his or her affairs are in good order. If you are visiting at your parent’s home, you might also ask to see such things as bank statements or insurance policies, to make sure they are in order. Ask also about new purchases or agreements they may have entered into—as we’ve noted in previous posts, seniors are often the target of unscrupulous sales pitches. You can also check on medications—how many and whether they’re taken as prescribed.
And if you have a suspicion your aging parent is developing dementia or Alzheimer’s, here are a few signs to look for, courtesy of the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org).
- Memory loss that disrupts daily life
- Challenges in planning or solving problems
- Difficulty completing familiar tasks
- Confusion with time or place
- Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships
- New problems with words in speaking or writing
- Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps
- Decreased or poor judgment
- Withdrawal from work or social activities
- Changes in mood and personality
The holidays are a great time to relax and renew family bonds, but don’t pass up the chance to make sure your aging parent is in as good shape as you think s/he is.
Categories: Alzheimer's · Care Givers · Elder Heath · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · General Information · Medical Issues
Tagged: aging parent, finances, hearing aids, Insurance, Legal Issues, medicine, mental health, senior care, senior health, senior life, seniors
Submitted by Carol Hetzler
Many businesses that rely on subscriptions use sales techniques that, while legal, are not completely ethical. When parents begin to age, they sometimes forget this fact and wind up paying for subscriptions they don’t need or use.
Most magazines start sending renewal forms as early as a year before payment is needed, and several times thereafter. When faced with such requests, my parents would view them as invoices and return each renewal form with a check for payment. When we started looking at their magazines there were more than they could possibly read, and many subscriptions were paid up for the next five years. We spent some time canceling duplicate magazines and those that were never read.
There are many other businesses that operate this way. Others to be especially watchful for are those that note that they will renew the subscription automatically, charging the credit card given for payment. Examples of this are book and music clubs, wine clubs and many magazines. Unless membership is cancelled, it continues to renew.
Occasionally businesses send products that are not ordered, and charge you for them if they are not returned immediately. My parents believed these items sent to them were free, and kept them. When we became aware of the situation, there were closets stuffed with unopened product boxes, and charges were about to go to collection agencies. Like many adult children, I was too far from my parents’ home to keep close track of such signs.
The best course for children who care for aging parents is to, at some point, take a complete inventory of all subscriptions, clubs and other membership to which they belong, and determine when each expires or renews. Cancel those that are unwanted in writing, and make notes about what’s been paid and when for the rest. You can save your parents much money and aggravation if the subscriptions are managed in advance.
Categories: Family Issues · Financial Issues · General Information
Tagged: finances, general, senior life, subscriptions
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