Category Archives: Stress

Teach Your Parents Well

Posted on January 22, 2010 by jstarkweather| 1 Comment

By Judy Starkweather

I was taking my 94-year-old Mom out one day and feeling stressed. My job and the caregiving were getting the best of me. When we arrived at our destination, I got out of the car, went around to get her and as always, reached over to unbuckle her seatbelt. In a moment of sheer frustration, I said “Gee Mom, you’d think a college graduate could learn to unbuckle her seatbelt!” We laughed a bit, but she knew my fuse was shortening by the second.

The next day, I decided to show her a way that I thought would make it easy to accomplish this task. I had to take into consideration the limited ability she had to turn her body enough to even see the buckle. To my amazement she exclaimed, “No one has ever shown me how to do that before!”

Continue reading →

→ 1 Comment

Posted in Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Safety, Stress, Travel

Tagged , , , , , , ,

A Good Use for Humor

Posted on January 20, 2010 by lisacochrane| Leave a comment

By Lisa Cochrane

For most of my life, one of my mother’s outstanding traits was her ability to socialize with others.  She had an ability to start, or add to, a lively conversation on most any subject and a way of making every stranger feel welcome, every person feel important.

Alzheimer’s changed that wonderful behavior and recently she has begun to just chatter, maybe for attention or maybe as an attempt to be her old self.  However, she now interrupts conversations with nonsensical, repetitive, often irrelevant chatter.  Or in the car, she will just talk non-stop about nothing and everything.  It can be very irritating, so my family tried humor and found that it often works… at least temporarily.

When my mother is chattering non-stop in the car, my brother tells her that he has an Eject-o-Mom installed in the passenger seat and if she continues to chatter he will press it.  She giggles and the chatter subsides!  Ten minutes later, she may be chattering again and he may have to say it again, but she giggles again and is quiet for another few minutes.

When she chatters non-stop at home, Steve tells her that the chair she is in only has a 100-word capacity and if she says more than 100 words, it and she will melt into the carpet.  And she stops to think about that and forgets to chatter for a few minutes.

While this may sound silly, it actually works.  Those with Alzheimer’s have a different reality.  You cannot teach them to modify their behavior – they will forget your teaching.  You cannot effectively punish them, for they often do things unconsciously; they react without ‘thinking’.  Nor will they long remember a punishment or what it was for.

So when I need to reprimand my mom (which can be often), I try to find a funny, nonsensical way to do it instead of using anger (which only makes the matters worse).   And with each activity that I do with my mom, I try to make her laugh at least once.  And as I try to find things to make her laugh, I find myself relaxing and finding more joy in my time with her.

There are lots of things in life to make you laugh or smile, if you only take the time to notice.  That’s one good lesson I have (re)learned while caring for my mom; and one I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, General Information, Humorous Incidents, Stress, Travel

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Tips for Reducing the Stress of Senior Home Care

Posted on January 19, 2010 by jpon| Leave a comment

Submitted by Linda Dunkelberger

Caring for aging parents or loved ones carries a lot of responsibility and a range of emotions. No matter how much love you have in your heart, carrying the load of caring for your loved one will leave you drained physically, emotionally and possibly financially. Coping with the stress of senior home care has to be managed or you will not be an effective caregiver.

Managing the stress of senior home care is all about taking charge. Take charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment and the way you deal with problems and unexpected situations. The ultimate goal of coping with the stress of senior home care is to achieve a balanced life.

Suggestions to reduce, prevent, and cope with the stress of senior home care:

Senior home care requires organization: Organize your time and your schedule. Write everything down so that you or another family member has reference to phone numbers, doctors, medications, in-home senior care providers, important insurance and financial numbers.

Start a personal journal: Share your feelings about the stress of senior home care. Writing down your thoughts will help you to take charge of your emotions.

Prioritize your health and well-being. Nurturing yourself is a necessary not a luxury. Healthy ways to relax and recharge:

  • Go for a walk
  • Call a good friend
  • Sweat out the tension with a good workout
  • Write in your journal
  • Curl up with a good book
  • Take a long bath
  • Eat healthy and exercise regularly
  • Play with your pet
  • Work in your garden
  • Listen to music
  • Savor a cup of warm coffee or tea

Give yourself a break: Enlist the help of a professional senior home care provider. These professionals can provide daily or weekly help for everyday chores, errands, hygiene, meals or transportation needs. Some senior home care providers can also provide a respite from your responsibilities with as little as 15-minutes notice.

Coping with the stress of senior home care is the only possible way to be an effective caregiver to your loved ones. Your mental and physical health must take priority or you will not be able to manage what needs to be done.

This article was submitted by Linda Dunkelberger, a freelance writer and editor working for Visiting Angels (www.visitingangels.com).Visiting Angles is a nationwide senior home care provider that helps seniors with everyday tasks, errands, meals, transportation, and more.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, Financial Issues, General Information, Medical Issues, Stress

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Outside Caregivers – A hidden benefit

Posted on January 7, 2010 by lisacochrane| 1 Comment

My mother is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s and we are lucky that my dad has the space and means to employ a full-time caregiver to care for her.  Otherwise, she would be in a home as her care was too much for my dad to handle. 

Our caregiver was not born in the US, but had worked as a caregiver for over 7 years assisting several other families prior to joining our family.  The way she acts and reacts to my mother is sometimes an issue as she is much more aggressive and hard on her than any of us can be.  But she often gets positive results when we cannot, so we have learned not to judge her actions until we see what happens.

Case in point… Recently, my mother has taken to swearing like a sailor whenever she was upset.  It started with “Oh God!” but then progressed to even nastier language.  It was getting difficult to take her out in public because we never knew when she would spout off with inappropriate language… and we didn’t want to stop taking her out as it was a good way to entertain her and pass the day. 

My family tried all sorts of creative things to curb this behavior, but to no avail.  Our caregiver had been on vacation as this was occurring and when she returned she simply said to my Mom “I will bite your tongue off if you swear again.”  Now, I could never say that and probably won’t even think it, but it worked.  When I first heard what she said I felt it was too strong and too nasty, not the sort of thing that should be said to my wonderful, loving mom.  Then I saw the results and realized it had been effective. 

This experience made me realize that the best care-giving solution is often a combination of loving family and an outside care-giver.   Family may have the love but often don’t have the experience and outside care givers are more detached so they often can employ different methods.  Our caregiver’s relationship with my mom is more like a teacher and a student… she keeps her distance so that she can play the disciplinarian when needed.

While I cannot imagine saying to my mom (or anyone for that matter) that I will “bite your tongue off if you say that again”, I do appreciate that it worked to curb a behavior that was unsettling to my family.  I learn from our caregiver every time I visit.  I may chose not to employ some of her techniques but that does not mean that I don’t appreciate the results.

If you are playing a part in caring for an aging parent, try to share that responsibility with an experienced care-giver.  Not only will get some time away, but you may also find that you learn from them and/or find solutions to some of your ongoing challenges.

Submitted by Lisa Cochrane

→ 1 Comment

Posted in Alzheimer's, Care Givers, Emotional Issues, Stress

Coping with the Stress of Senior Home Care

Posted on December 15, 2009 by jpon| Leave a comment

This article was submitted by Linda Dunkelberger, a freelance writer and editor working for Visiting Angels (www.visitingangels.com). Visiting Angels is a nationwide senior home care provider that helps seniors with everyday tasks, errands, meals, transportation, and more.

Caring for aging parents or loved ones carries a lot of responsibility and a range of emotions. No matter how much love you have in your heart, carrying the load of caring for your loved one will leave you drained physically, emotionally and possibly financially. Coping with the stress of senior home care has to be managed or you will not be an effective caregiver.

Managing the stress of senior home care is all about taking charge. Take charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment and the way you deal with problems and unexpected situations. The ultimate goal of coping with the stress of senior home care is to achieve a balanced life.

Suggestions to reduce, prevent, and cope with the stress of senior home care:

Senior home care requires organization: Organize your time and your schedule. Write everything down so that you or another family member has reference to phone numbers, doctors, medications, in-home senior care providers, important insurance and financial numbers.

Start a personal journal: Share your feelings about the stress of senior home care. Writing down your thoughts will help you to take charge of your emotions.

Prioritize your health and well-being. Nurturing yourself is a necessary not a luxury. Healthy ways to relax and recharge:

  • Go for a walk
  • Call a good friend
  • Sweat out the tension with a good workout
  • Write in your journal
  • Curl up with a good book
  • Take a long bath
  • Eat healthy and exercise regularly
  • Play with your pet
  • Work in your garden
  • Listen to music
  • Savor a cup of warm coffee or tea

Give yourself a break: Enlist the help of a professional senior home care provider. These professionals can provide daily or weekly help for everyday chores, errands, hygiene, meals or transportation needs. Some senior home care providers can also provide a respite from your responsibilities with as little as 15-minutes notice.

Coping with the stress of senior home care is the only possible way to be an effective caregiver to your loved ones. Your mental and physical health must take priority or you will not be able to manage what needs to be done.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Care Givers, Elder Heath, Emotional Issues, Family Issues, Medical Issues, Outside Resources, Stress

Tagged , , , , , ,