Entries categorized as ‘Travel’
January 22, 2010 · 1 Comment
By Judy Starkweather
I was taking my 94-year-old Mom out one day and feeling stressed. My job and the caregiving were getting the best of me. When we arrived at our destination, I got out of the car, went around to get her and as always, reached over to unbuckle her seatbelt. In a moment of sheer frustration, I said “Gee Mom, you’d think a college graduate could learn to unbuckle her seatbelt!” We laughed a bit, but she knew my fuse was shortening by the second.
The next day, I decided to show her a way that I thought would make it easy to accomplish this task. I had to take into consideration the limited ability she had to turn her body enough to even see the buckle. To my amazement she exclaimed, “No one has ever shown me how to do that before!”
I realized two things from this experience. First, you can’t assume that just because you’re dealing with the person who raised you, it doesn’t mean that they know or remember everything. Physical limitations, dementia and depression can take their toll in mustering up the energy to perform even simple tasks. Second, I realized that if I automatically did everything for my Mom, she’d let me. The problem with that is that she’d never learn anything new and I’d continue to be her frustrated, resentful caregiver, just doing it all because it seems easier than “showing her the ropes!”
Now, when my Mom manages to unbuckle her seatbelt, I praise her and it makes her feel good. I guess we’re never too old to learn and never too old to get a boost of self esteem that comes with learning something new!
Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Sure you can. Patience and love is the key!
Categories: Care Givers · Emotional Issues · Safety · Stress · Travel
Tagged: aging parent, dementia, dependence, depression, learn, seniors, Stress, teach. self esteem
By Lisa Cochrane
For most of my life, one of my mother’s outstanding traits was her ability to socialize with others. She had an ability to start, or add to, a lively conversation on most any subject and a way of making every stranger feel welcome, every person feel important.
Alzheimer’s changed that wonderful behavior and recently she has begun to just chatter, maybe for attention or maybe as an attempt to be her old self. However, she now interrupts conversations with nonsensical, repetitive, often irrelevant chatter. Or in the car, she will just talk non-stop about nothing and everything. It can be very irritating, so my family tried humor and found that it often works… at least temporarily.
When my mother is chattering non-stop in the car, my brother tells her that he has an Eject-o-Mom installed in the passenger seat and if she continues to chatter he will press it. She giggles and the chatter subsides! Ten minutes later, she may be chattering again and he may have to say it again, but she giggles again and is quiet for another few minutes.
When she chatters non-stop at home, Steve tells her that the chair she is in only has a 100-word capacity and if she says more than 100 words, it and she will melt into the carpet. And she stops to think about that and forgets to chatter for a few minutes.
While this may sound silly, it actually works. Those with Alzheimer’s have a different reality. You cannot teach them to modify their behavior – they will forget your teaching. You cannot effectively punish them, for they often do things unconsciously; they react without ‘thinking’. Nor will they long remember a punishment or what it was for.
So when I need to reprimand my mom (which can be often), I try to find a funny, nonsensical way to do it instead of using anger (which only makes the matters worse). And with each activity that I do with my mom, I try to make her laugh at least once. And as I try to find things to make her laugh, I find myself relaxing and finding more joy in my time with her.
There are lots of things in life to make you laugh or smile, if you only take the time to notice. That’s one good lesson I have (re)learned while caring for my mom; and one I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life!
Categories: Alzheimer's · Care Givers · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · General Information · Humorous Incidents · Stress · Travel
Tagged: aging parent, Alzheimer's, general, humor, senior care, senior health, senior life, seniors
Many people will be traveling this holiday season to see parents who live in other cities or states. But in some cases, it is the parent who will do the traveling, sometimes alone. Even for seniors who are in good health, traveling can be extremely difficult, as the confusion and crowding found in many large airports, train stations and other transportation centers is enough to stress out anyone, not just seniors.
As an example, my mother, who turned 80 this past year, flew from Florida to Chicago to be with my sister and her family for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, due to work schedules, no one in the family was available to pick her up when the flight landed. This posed a problem, since we didn’t want to have my mother waiting several hours at the airport, where she would be a potential target for criminals and other undesirables.
My sister arranged for a taxi service to transport Mom from O’Hare to their home. The trip was pre-paid, tip included, and all Mom needed to do when she arrived was call the company’s number to send for a driver, who arrived in about ten minutes. This was good, but next time we’ll opt for a limo service, where the driver meets the passenger as soon as s/he reaches the baggage area. Limo drivers not only have those little signs with the passenger’s name to identify themselves, they also carry the passenger’s bags. Many limo and taxi services have web sites where you can book the trip in advance.
Of course, limos are more expensive, and not everyone can afford that level of service. In that case, there are some measures adult children can take to help ensure their parent’s safe transport.
- Provide your parent with details about the airport/station s/he will be arriving at, such as: how to get from the gate to the baggage area; what landmarks or signs can be found along the way; how to negotiate the airport shuttle system if necessary. Much of this information should be available on the airport/station web site.
- Airlines can often be helpful in assisting and directing seniors through an airport. A call to the airline’s customer service can arrange for someone to assist your parent from the check in to the gate, or vice-versa. Your parent can also ask for help at the ticket counter, or when s/he arrives to get from the gate to the baggage area.
- Although my Mom has no difficulty walking, she often asks for a ride on an electric cart because the trip to or from the gates can be crowded and confusing. Seniors should not feel embarrassed about asking for help, even if they are physically able to make the trip.
- If you can’t pick your parent up, arrange for transportation ahead of time, even if it is just a friend with a car. Make sure your parent has all the details s/he needs to reach and recognize the transportation provider.
Senior Care Stories is interested in hearing about your parents’ experiences while traveling, especially if you have any helpful tips on how to make traveling alone less dangerous and stressful. Please leave your comments by clicking on the link under the title of this post.
Categories: Care Givers · Emotional Issues · Family Issues · Safety · Travel
Tagged: aging parent, airlines, airport, Independence, senior health, senior life, seniors, transportation, Travel
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